Keep Close in Prayer

Darian Brown · May 30, 2008, 10:20 PM

Happy Birthday Larry...

My Son,

Your spirit will be 19 years old tomorrow, May 31. It should be all of you
that passes this next year's threshold but it will not be.
Your Earthly vessel is no longer on this plane where time flashes forward
no matter what ones wishes are. No matter what one begs for.

"Time"... so many times I have heard these old clichés:

"Time heals all wounds. It takes time. In time."

I answer these clichés with this:

You have been gone for just over a year now...
The world has moved on and expects me to have done the same.

They do not understand it has become an even greater weight to carry now.

The shock has diminished and all illusions of hope have gone,
forcing reality down my unwelcoming throat. Time has forced me to know it
and is forcing me still to accept it.

Time is not the forgiving friend they would like to believe,
but rather a harsh teacher. It has taught me well...

It has taught me to place a foot forward and force the other to follow.
It has taught me to lift my head and pretend, as I hide behind a false smile.
All for their benefit, their comfort.

Time has taught me to pre-program my way through each day
until I can wrap myself in the memories of you each night
with comforting sobs of ease.

Yes, time has taught me well.

However, it has done nothing to ease the steady intensification
of sorrow that comes with the heaviness of reality in this next year.

I miss you Larry... I miss you my Son.

All of my love,
forever and for always,

Mom<333

Darian Brown · June 21, 2008, 02:39 PM

To my husband Darian,

I love you with all of my heart...

I Know a Craftsman Constructed of Heart

I know a craftsman constructed of heart. This craftsman is no scholar nor does he have elaborate, worldly possessions. He is an artisan who is easy in nature and common in his speech.

Some do not quite understand this craftsman. He leaves them guessing and questioning, sometimes confused. It makes me smile because I truly know and understand him.

You see, this craftsman is constructed of heart. He is made of the most courageous and loving core. How do I know this? Let me tell you about this craftsman I know who is constructed of heart...

This craftsman is an artist who sweats and bleeds to feed his family and he does so without complaint, without delay. This artisan performed his craft along side of his family. Father, mother and eldest son, together, worked their craft to feed and care for each other and the youngest son who was yet too young. This craftsman labored and toiled and carried more than his share of each days load, every day. Never did he complain as long as his family was well fed, clothed, sheltered. That was what mattered to him.

That Monday, after Easter, while all three where on their way to work he witnessed the ultimate torment. While looking into his eyes he witnessed his eldest son's death. Brutal and horrific it was, as that machine drove his son where he could not stop; hard into a head-on collision. The craftsman sees it still, his body jerks violently with the memory of it every day and every night.

He will never forget the day he held his child's face in his palms and pleaded with God above; screaming, “This is my Son!” The day orange bright flames ignited his child's sun-brushed hair, engulfed his magnanimous smile and forever quieted the beautiful music of his voice. He fought desperately and completely to pull his son free. The craftsman begged and battled, fought and prayed because he just knew without question when they arrived they could shock life back into his child's stilled heart, before undulating flames consumed and digested all of him.

Men of any nature would have fallen under the weight of such an experience. Now, do not misunderstand, this particular craftsman is not who he once was within his mind, however, his most dauntless and devoted heart lead him forward. It lead him onward to continue to rise from his bed each morning, carry on, and become lost within his craft for sanity's sake.

The craftsman's heart forced him to pass by the very site where his child died, and alone, he finished the masterpiece that should have been completed with his son by his side, sharing tools, teaching, learning, and creating together. He was then and is now able to perform his craft because of the very deep, most true and unconditional love his heart continues to hold for the eldest son he lost, the youngest son who is yet too young, and the mother of both...

Yes, I know a craftsman constructed of heart.

Tammy Brown

TFP Admin · June 21, 2008, 04:51 PM

You write beautiful words, Tammy. Thank you for letting me read them.

T

Darian Brown · June 21, 2008, 05:00 PM

Hi T,

Thank you for giving of your time to read them. It means a lot.

I just want the rest of the world to see Darian through my eyes...

Thank you again T,

Tammy

Daris Mulkin · June 21, 2008, 06:49 PM

Words from an angel. She has to be to go through what you all have gone through and still be able to write like that. I'm sure she must be the foundation of the family as really most of our wives are.
I've read this post about 3 times or so and it still makes me water up.

Daris

Darian Brown · June 21, 2008, 07:29 PM

I didn’t know you wrote this here as well I love you.

T she does have a way with words like Daris said words from an angel. Daris your right she is the foundation of our family and I only wish I had half the courage that she has.

Tammy I truly love you

Lo Down · June 21, 2008, 11:35 PM

Darian, you and Tammy write some beautiful things about your love for Larry. I've kinda kept out of joining into these converstions much............... not because I don't care.......... I'm just at a loss of words. If ya don't see a comment by me, rest assured. I am there.

Randy

Jon Scanlan · June 22, 2008, 12:32 AM

Lo I feel the same as you. I am not very good with words in situations like this either.

Darian Brown · June 22, 2008, 10:14 AM

Hi Daris,

Larry is the angel helping me write these words and I don't know how to thank you for showing me that...

Hi Randy and Jon,

Thank you both so much. You have no idea how much it means to us that you read what we post and that you care.

Words have their time and place but sometimes we are all at a loss for them. At those times a simple comment like the ones you both posted are MORE than enough! Hell, a simple "Randy" or "Jon" typed onto the screen is MORE than enough. It's not what you say or write, but rather the few minutes you give to acknowledge the situation. That in itself speaks VOLUMES. That alone shows you care and that alone is more than enough...

Thanks to all of you who keep an eye on this thread. Please know that it is deeply appreciated.

Tammy

rusty baker · June 22, 2008, 10:39 AM

Darian, I also have a problem expressing how I feel. I know as hard as the loss of my son-in-law hit me , I still cannot imagine how it feels to lose a son and I have a grandson he blessed me with.

Darian Brown · June 22, 2008, 05:22 PM

Hi Rusty,

I am so sorry for your loss of your son-law... Even though he left you a beautiful grandson I know it is still devastating.

Losing a child is the ultimate torment... It is something you never "get over". You learn to live a new and very different kind of life where nothing will ever be the same as it was. You never forget and the knowledge that your child is no longer on this Earth is ALWAYS on your mind and in Darian's case, witnessing what he witnessed, well, we can only imagine...

Thank you so much for keeping an eye on this thread and for letting us know that you care. It means more than you could know.

Tammy and Darian

Roland Thompson · June 22, 2008, 07:35 PM

Darian and Tammy,
It was hard to lose my father two years ago even when he was looking forward to going to heaven and be with God. Just two three weeks ago my younger brother was in a motercycle accident and broke his back and we do not know if he will walk again but still I can not even start to know how it would be to lose one of my children but thru your writing and Darians passion Larry will always be here.
I will keep your family in prayer.

Roland Thompson

Darian Brown · June 22, 2008, 09:30 PM

HI Roland,

I'm so sorry for the loss of your father and for your younger brother's accident. We will also keep you and your family in our prayers.

Yes, Larry is still with us and will always be with us. We are the keepers of his memory and it is up to us to keep his memory alive and to continue to let the world meet and know him. It is up to us to show the world what an incredibly loving, caring, compassionate and giving human being it lost when it lost Larry and we will not let him down.

Larry and his little brother Darrin are the reasons we continue on. They are our words, strength, and purpose.

Thank you so very much for taking the time to show us you care. It truly does help...

Tammy

Barry Carlton · June 22, 2008, 10:38 PM

If I'm not mistaken the apostle Paul (St. Paul) called death an enemy. And it is truly is one of our greatest enemies!!!!!

b

Darian Brown · June 23, 2008, 08:12 PM

Hi Barry,

Thank you for taking the time to show you care. It means more than you know...

Death will continue to be my enemy until it becomes my time to die, and then I will welcome it as a dear friend...

Tammy